


Eighth Day of Christmas - Jet Black New Year

by unjaundiced



Series: Holiday Headaches [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, 12 Days of Fic, Gen, Gender Confusion, Humor, New Years, Pre-Slash, Traditions, Underage Drinking, bad role models
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 20:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5641285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our motley group goes to the shrines for New Years blessings and fortunes. They end up drinking a lot of sake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eighth Day of Christmas - Jet Black New Year

“Okay, so that was fairly impressive. I'll give you that,” Iruka sighed happily, tracing the last fading lights from the sky. Kakashi smirked to himself and mentally patted himself on the back, reminding himself of his general awesomeness.  
  
“Just as long as you admit that you were impressed,” the jounin said. “I'll be sure to let everyone know how amazing you think I am.”  
  
“You _wish_ I thought you were amazing. From the tales Naruto's told, you're far from anything like that,” Iruka retorted with a snort.  
  
“Speaking of that vicious liar... It's after midnight. Let's get those boys smashed,” Kakashi chirped, already scooping Ukki-san into his arms. Iruka picked up Shisha-kun's pot and rested it on his hip so he had a free hand to hit the jounin again.  
  
“No one is getting smashed.” Iruka paused as a drunken warble drifted up from the room below. “Well, _they_ aren't anyhow. Stop fixating on corrupting the kids, Kakashi-sensei. It's not right.”  
  
“We're shinobi. You're talking morals with me?” Kakashi snorted and leapt from the building, Ukki-san waving its branches in a wild farewell.  
  
“Come on, boys! Kakashi-sensei is escaping! Let's go,” Iruka called before jumping after the jounin, muttering to himself under his breath. “Cheeky bastard.”  
  
Naruto grappled with Sasuke who wasn't quite finished making fire or setting off bombs. He managed to land a punch across his teammate's cheek and snagged the stunned boy by the arm before dragging him after their retreating teachers. Sasuke kicked at Naruto's leg, flipped him and threw him away before darting forward. Naruto shrieked, summoned a clone and redirected his trajectory, launching a flying kick at the back of the Uchiha's head. Sasuke ducked, grabbing Naruto's ankle as he did so and flung him towards the edge of the roof. Naruto poofed out of existence and Sasuke instinctively looked up to blow a fireball at the Naruto attacking from above. Naruto disappeared in a puff as the flames hit him and Sasuke frowned, head snapping forward as Naruto appeared behind him to slap him on the back of his head before running off, laughing to himself in self-congratulation. Sasuke snarled and charged after his teammate again. This continued on for several districts and provided much amusement to the ANBU lookouts stationed at the entrance to each sector.  
  
A sea of bodies flowed through the streets and danced across rooftops as the citizenry made their way towards the various shrines and temples interspersed throughout the village. The shrines of protection and warfare were brightly lit from the lanterns visitors lit as offerings, typically the most popular sites in a shinobi village. Other shrines to luck, love, and family were also strongly represented, their bells tolling loudly as pilgrims cycled through. The trees outside the temple for missing soldiers were striped with fortunes and prayers, thoughts given to those lost along the way, away in far-off lands, and for all those perished during the year. Its sister shrine to peace was similarly adorned, swelled with foreign shinobi as visiting Suna-nin paid regards to their recent alliance.  
  
Kurenai pushed through the crowd at the fortune box near the shrine for children and fertility, Asuma's wrist firmly in her grasp. She reached out, coin in hand, ready to offer her donation so she could pick her fortune when the grisly jounin pulled away. She snapped a glance at him, jumping when she followed his gaze to where Kakashi and Iruka were walking by, jostling each other with their elbows as they argued about something, a set of plants in their arms. Asuma raised a brow and scratched at his head as a bright orange blur pushed between Kotetsu and Izumo who were snacking on mochi to latch itself to Iruka's waist. Kotetsu choked as he shoved a too-large chunk of mochi into his mouth at that moment and Izumo patted him feebly to no avail. Sasuke hit Kotetsu hard between the shoulder blades as he walked by, rolling his eyes as the chuunin coughed out a thanks.  
  
“Come on. We have several places to visit,” Iruka called to Sasuke as he ruffled Naruto's blonde locks with a free hand. “We have to get our fortunes and blessings for the new year.”  
  
“This temple first,” Kakashi ordered, nudging his fellow sensei towards a temple dedicated to blessing pets and household objects. “We have to get the dogs done.”  
  
“They won't like you calling them pets, Kakashi-sensei. You should take them to the summons shrine,” Iruka called, shaking his head.  
  
“That too, Iruka-sensei. I'm just getting them doubly blessed. And who said they're pets? They're more of _objects_ than anything else,” Kakashi finished on a mumble, pricking his thumb on a nail jutting out from the side of the shrine entrance and sliding it across his summons scroll as it unrolled. A series of puffs filled the air before a pack of dogs appeared, dour stares on their faces.  
  
“ _Objects_ , brat? You want to rephrase that statement,” the grouchy pug growled. Kakashi tilted his head curiously before smiling innocently and shaking his head, responding with a cheeky “nope”. The dogs sighed as one, heads hanging.  
  
“He's just joking. We're going to all the different shrines tonight,” Iruka cut in, nudging the jounin aside. “This is just the first stop. We're going to get the stove blessed.”  
  
“Good save,” Kakashi whispered, wincing as he blocked an elbow to the ribs. His dogs sniffed and turned their tails on him, choosing to lavish attention on the chuunin instead. The jounin frowned and hissed useless threats at them.  
  
“Trouble, Kakashi-sensei?” Asuma sidled close to the fuming jounin and lit a cigarette, twitching an eyebrow as Kurenai caught his eye and made a cutting motion across her neck. He sighed and stubbed it, grumbling to himself.  
  
“Trouble, Asuma- _sensei_?” Kakashi smirked, annoyance allayed by seeing Asuma's own.  
  
“Where's the rest of my chocolate,” the smoker muttered as he walked along with the progressively noisy group.  
  
“Kurenai asking about it?” Kakashi responded, looked devious. Asuma mumbled something unintelligible before poking a finger at Ukki-san.  
  
“What's with the plants,” he muttered. “Your kids or something?”  
  
Kakashi smiled broadly and shook the plant happily. “Something like that.”  
  
“Whatever. I'm off,” the other jounin muttered as he wandered away, duty done. “Have a good one.”  
  
Kurenai grabbed his arm when he came within reach and teleported them away so she could grill him for gossip. He sighed just before the smoke took them away.  
  
“Kakashi-sensei? Are you visiting this one too,” Iruka called over his shoulder as they approached the shrine for children next to the one for pets and household objects.  
  
“Ah, yes. This one too. Let's get fortunes and blessings for all the kids,” Kakashi called back, grinning to himself.  
  
Kakashi ended up dragging them to get blessings at a number of shrines. The dogs, plants, and genin ended up being classified as pets, household objects, children, friends, students, baking goods, and weapons. They were not amused when Kakashi had asked the priest to bless his “lackeys” at the fifth shrine or when he'd called them “training dummies” at the one after that and had responded by throwing their donation coins at him when he told them to draw their fortunes. Iruka had flung a brick at his head when Kakashi had stolen his hair tie and asked the priest at the marriage shrine to "bless his lovely wife”. That they'd gotten a brand new wok set because of it didn't soothe his irritation.  
  
“Kakashi-sensei, this is getting a little...” Iruka hesitated to continue, staring doubtfully at the shrine for expecting mothers. Giggling and blushing women clustered around him as they reached forward to ring the bell. A heavily pregnant young woman cast him a look and giggled something to her friends.  
  
“We need to get blessings to have good luck this year,” Kakashi chirped, pushing him forward. “Hurry up! After this comes the sake!”  
  
“Kakashi-sensei, please don't tell me we're going to visit _every_ shrine _just_ so you can get free stuff,” Iruka mumbled, reluctantly swinging the bell rope to strike the bell.  
  
“Maa, sensei. Naruto really liked that drum he got and Ukki-san and Shisha-kun really liked the wind chimes they got. Sasuke got candy at the last place and this shrine gives out anpan. It is our right to receive these things,” the jounin responded, hurrying the chuunin towards the priest handing out blessings and good luck trinkets.  
  
“Kakashi-sensei... I don't know about you,” Iruka sighed, flushing slightly as the priest smiled knowingly and handed him a delicate paper fan with a fortune tied to its handle, bowing his thanks and scurrying away. Kakashi took the proffered pastry and waved jauntily as he followed the chuunin at a more sedate pace. His dogs stared up with wide eyes at the priest before he gave in and gave each of them an anpan as well.  
  
“Iruka-sensei, are we really going to have to drink more sake,” Naruto whined, twirling his drum between his hands to create an obnoxious don-don-don sound that set Iruka's teeth on edge.  
  
“Naruto-kun, stop that. And yes. Sake is for good luck and good health. You won't have to drink too much more though,” Iruka promised, shifting the bag he'd gotten at the shrine for blessing food and cooking so it wasn't jabbing his hip anymore, ignoring the niggling sense of _wrongness_ he felt looming.  
  
Thirty minutes later and Iruka's new bag was even more swollen as Naruto and Sasuke were given more paraphernalia at the weapons blessing shrine. He was mostly annoyed at the size of the Fuuma shuriken Sasuke had been gifted by a strange bespectacled white-haired priest. It took up most of the space in his bag and was poking at the small of his back. Kakashi had been gifted a swallow-painted tanto and Iruka the matching peony-painted one. Somehow, having a matching piece of weaponry grated on his nerves, though it might have just been the knowing looks passing shinobi kept casting him. What were they looking at!  
  
Naruto and Sasuke were clinging to each other and wobbling back and forth, both sets of cheeks red. Iruka frowned, feeling a little warm and unsteady himself. That last shrine had some really potent sake and the priest had all but poured it down their throats. His shirt had a damp spot from where the drink had spilled as he'd tried to escape the priest's assault and tried to twist away. Kakashi had ended up distracting the priest by pointing out Gai who had been busy posing broadly on the temple steps and blocking traffic and had hustled his tipsy group towards the next shrine before they could protest.  
  
“Come on, boys. We're not done yet,” Kakashi called, smiling so broadly they could see it under his mask. The smile got bigger as the two boys groaned and tripped as a drunk Bisuke wandered in front of them. The next shrine was sort of wavering ahead.  
  
That shrine was a mistake and an awful place dreamt up by Ibiki, Iruka was sure of it. It could be nothing less. The large phallic depictions better suited to a fertility shrine were incredibly off-setting as well. He didn't know what so many giant penises were doing so close to his face, but he wasn't sure he liked it. A cup met his lips and he opened his mouth without a thought.  
  
His expression twisted and he felt his gag reflex activate when the sake touched his tongue. The cheap swill choked him and offended his taste buds, trapped in his cheeks and refused to be swallowed. The priest of the human rights and amnesty shrine smiled congenially at him, seeming not to notice the pained expression on his face. Maybe she was used to seeing people in pain. He smiled weakly and gritted his teeth as he forced himself to swallow.  
  
Naruto was not so contained and spat the sake into the bushes. Sasuke looked a little green himself, but visibly forced himself to swallow. Kakashi looked perfectly fine, but there was a suspicious damp spot on the wall next to him where he'd most likely dumped the foul liquid rather than drunk it. Ukki-san and Shisha-kun shivered miserably in their pots, looking a little yellow as the priest happily poured some blessed sake into their pots. Kakashi frowned and backed away, shaking his head and shooing the woman. He almost tripped over his dogs who cowered behind him, eyeing her with bleary suspicion.  
  
Iruka moaned out a thanks as the woman handed him a long ribbon and a fortune scroll, stumbling backwards in an awkward bow. Kakashi patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, pulling him away from the stone lantern he almost walked into. Naruto, however, was not so lucky and found the lantern with his knee, going down shrieking and flailing. His kicking foot caught Sasuke in the chin and the Uchiha stumbled back with a grunt. He pulled his fist back and found himself pulled off balance as Shiba caught hold of his sleeve and dragged him back. Guruko pulled on the seat of Naruto's pants as he cursed up a storm and the wobbly group finally proceeded to the next shrine.  
  
The fourth shrine after had sake that went down like silken fire, tingling like lightning down their spines. Naruto and Sasuke failed to fully appreciate this fact as they bent over the bushes and heaved, Guruko and Bisuke leaning against their legs and looking fairly ill themselves. Iruka had the vague sense that he should try to comfort them, but he couldn't quite figure out how to do it while carrying Shisha-kun. He shifted the plant back and forth with confusion before giving up and leaning heavily against Naruto.  
  
“Naru... Naru... Sasu.... I think we need to... go home...” Iruka mumbled, swaying heavily and blinking dizzily. “Kakashhh-sen... Can we go home?”  
  
“One more, I promise. We'll go home after that,” the jounin replied, looking far too awake and _perky_. Iruka had the feeling the man hadn't actually been _drinking_ most of the sake he'd been given.  
  
“Bastard,” Iruka moaned tiredly, trying to bump him with his shoulder. He mumbled something else before blankness swirled in.  
  
Kakashi smiled broadly and caught him with one arm. Bull padded to his side, a saddle bag sling across his back. The jounin tucked his precious plants into the sacks and patted his ninken off with strict instructions to take the wretched genin home and to not let them throw up on the floor. Pakkun grumbled and barked out orders to his less-than-sober packmates, rolling an eye at his master at the same time.  
  
Kakashi giggled to himself and scooped the sloshed chuunin into his arms before setting off towards the last shrine to get one last blessing and fortune, this one for hangovers. He could hear their new Hokage shouting as she enthusiastically rang the shrine bell chanting “No hangover! No hangover! No hangover!” It was turning out to be an interesting year already.

**Author's Note:**

> These were originally written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge on Livejournal in 2010, starting with the first day of Christmas (December 25). It's basically all crack and I apologise for nothing.
> 
> **Note**  
>  At New Years, you need to visit shrines to receive your blessings and fortunes for the year. You also have to drink at every one.
> 
> anpan – baked sweet pastry which is like a thin light spongey bread and is sometimes filled with sweet beans, sweet paste, or cream


End file.
